Guarding Your Heart From the Trap of Offense
I ministered this sermon on the book by Bishop Dag Heward-Mills’ Those Who Are Offended.
There are some messages you preach because they stir people. There are other messages you preach because they are necessary. This was one of those necessary messages.
As I spent time praying, I felt strongly that this was something we needed to address again. Offense is one of the most subtle traps the enemy uses against believers. It does not always come loudly. Many times it enters quietly — through hurt, disappointment, correction, misunderstanding, or unmet expectations. And if it is not dealt with, it begins to affect your heart, your relationships, and even your ability to receive from God.
Jesus said that offense will come. That means it should not shock us when it happens. In church life, in family, in leadership, in friendship, even in the workplace, there will be opportunities to become offended. The question is not whether offense comes. The real question is: what do I do with it when it comes?
That is where maturity begins.
Offense often reveals what is still happening in the heart
One of the things I felt strongly while ministering this is that offense does not always reveal what is wrong around us. Many times, it reveals what is still unresolved within us.
Sometimes we are offended because we were corrected.
Sometimes because we felt rejected.
Sometimes because someone else was lifted and honoured.
Sometimes because truth stretched us in a way that made us uncomfortable.
And that is why offense is so dangerous. It often feels justified. It convinces you that your reaction is reasonable, when in fact God may be exposing an area of your heart that still needs healing.
If we are humble, offense can become a moment of growth. If we are proud, it becomes a doorway for bitterness.
There are people who are especially vulnerable to offense
- Those who are corrected — because correction touches pride.
- Those who feel rejected — because old wounds can make present moments feel heavier.
- Those offended by greatness — because comparison blinds people from celebrating grace.
- Those who struggle with hard sayings — because not every difficult word is a wrong word.
- Those whose expectations are challenged — especially when things shift in relationships or leadership.
The truth is, all of us can become vulnerable if we do not guard our hearts. Nobody is above offense. That is why we need to learn how to deal with it quickly.
Offense Grows in Stages
One of the biggest dangers of offense is that it rarely stays small. If it is not dealt with early, it begins to grow and deepen in the heart.
1. Withdrawal
This is often where offense begins.
- A person becomes distant
- They grow quieter
- They become less engaged
- They start pulling back emotionally and spiritually
What may look small at first is often the beginning of something deeper.
2. Resentment
If offense is left unchecked, hurt begins to settle in the heart.
- Disappointment starts turning into bitterness
- Pain becomes personal
- The heart begins replaying the situation again and again
- A person starts carrying the weight of what happened
3. Mistrust and Suspicion
At this stage, offense begins to affect perception.
- Motives are questioned
- People are viewed negatively
- Assumptions start replacing truth
- Trust begins to break down
What once may have been seen with grace is now interpreted through hurt.
4. Malice and Ill Will
Now offense starts moving outward.
- Speech becomes more critical
- Gossip begins
- Negative conversations increase
- Division can start to spread
At this point, the issue is no longer only in the heart — it begins to affect others too.
5. Stubbornness
As offense deepens, the heart can become hard.
- Counsel is resisted
- Correction is rejected
- A person no longer wants to listen
- Pride begins to take over
This is a dangerous stage because it makes healing harder if the heart remains closed.
6. Betrayal and Spiritual Destruction
If offense is allowed to continue, it can lead to serious damage.
- Loyalty breaks down
- Relationships are harmed
- Spiritual vision becomes distorted
- A person can move far from where God wanted them to be
What began as a wound can eventually become a doorway to destruction.
Why This Matters
That is why offense must be dealt with early.
- It does not stay small
- It does not remain neutral
- It grows when it is left unchecked
The sooner offense is recognised and surrendered to God, the easier it is to stop it from taking deeper root.
The enemy uses offense to move people out of position
This is why the enemy loves offense so much.
If he can keep you offended, he can keep you distracted.
If he can keep you hurt, he can keep you suspicious.
If he can keep you bitter, he can keep you out of position.
Many people are closer to breakthrough than they realize, but offense causes them to pull away before the blessing, healing, or promotion God had for them. What should have been a moment of growth becomes a point of delay.
That is why we cannot play with offense. We have to confront it.
The answer is forgiveness
The antidote to offense is forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean the hurt was not real. It does not mean what happened was right. It means I refuse to let pain become poison in my heart. It means I bring my offense before the Lord and say, “Father, heal me here. Wash me here. Help me here.”
As believers, we cannot afford to carry offense for long. If Christ has forgiven us, then we must be willing to forgive others. That is how freedom comes. That is how healing begins. That is how the enemy loses his grip.
A final thought
My heart in sharing this message was not to condemn anyone, but to help us grow. We are all capable of becoming offended. Leaders can. Members can. Families can. Friends can. The issue is not pretending we are above it. The issue is being honest enough to recognize it and humble enough to deal with it.
I believe God is maturing His church. He is teaching us to be soft in heart, humble in spirit, and quick to forgive. And as we do, we remain free to receive everything He wants to pour into our lives.
